What is the GASP list?
GASP list - (noun) A list of the best movies ever made.
Last semester I was discussing time travel with a few fellow computer geeks when one of them mentioned that she'd never seen Groundhog Day. I literally gasped. “What do you mean, you’ve never seen Groundhog Day!?”
It still bothers me. How could she have survived twenty-five years on this earth without ever witnessing one of Bill Murray’s greatest comedies? Inconceivable.
That’s what we mean we talk about the GASP list, the unofficial list of movies that every living being on this earth should see because they are so great and so deeply ingrained into popular culture that the rest of us cannot fathom the idea that other people haven’t seen them.
There is no official list, but here are two really good ones: Julie Grey’s GASP list and the Tulsa International Film Festival’s GASP list. Both lists cover the classics, and if there are movies on either list that you’ve never seen, you shouldn’t admit it.
While the more traditional GASP list is perfectly fine, it doesn’t quite do it for us. Too many of our favorites are left off, perhaps because they’re not exactly Academy Award material, so A and I put finger to keyboard and came up with our own GASP list.
We simply cannot be your friend unless you’ve seen all of these movies. ALL of them.
Adventures in Babysitting
Back to the Future
Beauty and the Beast
Big
Braveheart
The Breakfast Club
By By Love
Can’t Hardly Wait
A Christmas Story
Cinderella
Clue
Clueless
Death Race
Die Hard
Disturbing Behavior
Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead
Empire Records
The Faculty
The Fast and the Furious
The First Wives Club
Four Brothers
Groundhog Day
Gone in 60 Seconds
The Goonies
Halloween
Hocus Pocus
Home Alone
I Know What You Did Last Summer
Inception
Identity
The Incredibles
The Inside Man
Jaws
Kiss the Girls
A League of Their Own
The Little Mermaid
Little Rascals
The Lion King
Lone Star State of Mind
Memento
Monsters, Inc.
Mr. Brooks
My Best Friend’s Wedding
The Notebook
Now and Then
Office Space
Overnight Delivery
Point Break
Primal Fear
Remember the Titans
Role Models
Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion
The Sandlot
Saving Private Ryan
Scream
Seven
Shag: The Movie
The Shawshank Redemption
The Silence of the Lambs
Sixteen Candles
Shooter
Sleeping Beauty
Spice World
St. Elmo’s Fire
S.W.A.T
Taken
To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar
Toy Story
The Usual Suspects
Underworld
Waiting
Walk the Line
Wedding Crashers
The Wedding Planner
The Wizard of Oz
Zombieland
Zoolander
Showing posts with label off topic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label off topic. Show all posts
Friday, July 8, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
T.V. Character Smack Down: Part I
If I had to pick one animated television show that I sorely miss, it would be Celebrity Deathmatch. A classic. In the spirit of ridiculous rivalries, I offer this post as an analysis of which T.V. character would win a fist fight in the following pairings. In an attempt to maintain an even playing ground, I've chosen characters who are played by the same actors.
Round 1: Lori Grimes vs. Dr. Sara Tancredi (Sarah Wayne Callies)
In the first corner we have Lori Grimes, wife of Deputy Rick Grimes, in AMC’s The Walking Dead. Lori is no wuss. She did survive a Zombie apocalypse, but she didn’t do it alone. So far, Lori seems to be the voice of reason and morality for the men in her life. We’ve yet to see her kick substantial but.
In the opposing corner, meet Dr. Sara Tancredi of Fox’s hit series Prison Break. Sara is a recovering morphine addict with a soft spot for good-looking cons. She can take a beating and, if you absolutely force her hand, she will shoot you and then feel really bad about it.
I can’t actually imagine a scenario that would put these two characters at odds with each other, but I’m sure it would involve protecting a man. Although Lori seems capable of doing anything for survival, Sara has actual combat experience. Still, Sara is a bit emotional, the idea of hurting some poor mother would be too much for her to bear, and I’m pretty sure Lori could stomach punching her in the face.
The outcome: Truce
Both characters are too prone to choosing reason over violence. After a minute of circling each other with very serious expressions, they’d most likely come up with a rational solution to their disagreement. They might even end up as friends. Sigh.
Round 2: 13 vs. Alex Kelly (Oliva Wilde)
I know what you’re thinking. Who the bleep is Alex Kelly!? You might remember her from season two of The O.C. You might not, if you were lucky enough not to get sucked into The O.C., and if so, I’m jealous. Here’s what you need to know about Alex Kelly: she’s a badass, bisexual bartender.
13 should sound a little more familiar. She’s the badass, bisexual doctor from House, also known as Dr. Remy Hadley. (That’s the character’s actual name for all of you who missed that one episode where they used it.)
Warning, this fight is going to get pretty nasty. Both characters are sure to pull some dirty punches.
The outcome: Hard to tell.
Not because they’re too evenly matched. It’s just too hard to tell them apart.
Round 3: Elle Bishop vs. Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell)
Elle, the emotionally unstable brat with the power to generate electricity, you may remember from NBC’s Heroes. This half-pint vixen might not look like much, but her power was strong enough to knock super villain Sylar on his you-know-what.
Elle’s going up against one of my all time favorite TV characters, Veronica Mars, private eye. Veronica is a snarky teen with mad Nancy Drew skills. She’s taken down rapists, murderers, and computer geeks. Her power, the ability to sniff out a scandal and bring the evil-doers to justice. Street justice that is, Mars style.
Elle vs. Veronica is almost good enough to be our main event. Not because it brings in elements of the supernatural. No, this fight would be awesome because of Kristen Bell’s god-given talent for delivering the perfect zinger. Oh the sarcasm would be epic.
The outcome: Veronica wins.
She may not be a Hero, but Veronica Mars always gets her man.
Round 4: River Tam vs. Cameron Phillips (Summer Glau)
If you're picking your prize fighter, chances are Summer Glau won't be anywhere on your list of possibilities. And for good reason, she probably doesn't even weigh in the triple digits. But bony arms aside, Summer Glau has played some of the baddest chicks ever to grace the small screen.
Exhibit A: River Tam of Firefly. In the beginning of the series River is a delicate super genius, but true fans know better than to get on her bad side. In Serenity, the Firefly movie, we see her singlehandedly destroy an entire alien army.
If that's not good enough for you, how about Cameron Phillips from the short-lived series Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles. Cameron is a terminator, the new and improved kind. She could snap your neck in a second.
So, who wins in a battle between a super-genius, super-soldier created in a space lab and a killer robot from the future?
The outcome: Cameron wins.
She's a robot from the future, people. Robots always win.
To Be Continued...
Round 1: Lori Grimes vs. Dr. Sara Tancredi (Sarah Wayne Callies)
In the first corner we have Lori Grimes, wife of Deputy Rick Grimes, in AMC’s The Walking Dead. Lori is no wuss. She did survive a Zombie apocalypse, but she didn’t do it alone. So far, Lori seems to be the voice of reason and morality for the men in her life. We’ve yet to see her kick substantial but.
In the opposing corner, meet Dr. Sara Tancredi of Fox’s hit series Prison Break. Sara is a recovering morphine addict with a soft spot for good-looking cons. She can take a beating and, if you absolutely force her hand, she will shoot you and then feel really bad about it.
I can’t actually imagine a scenario that would put these two characters at odds with each other, but I’m sure it would involve protecting a man. Although Lori seems capable of doing anything for survival, Sara has actual combat experience. Still, Sara is a bit emotional, the idea of hurting some poor mother would be too much for her to bear, and I’m pretty sure Lori could stomach punching her in the face.
The outcome: Truce
Both characters are too prone to choosing reason over violence. After a minute of circling each other with very serious expressions, they’d most likely come up with a rational solution to their disagreement. They might even end up as friends. Sigh.
Round 2: 13 vs. Alex Kelly (Oliva Wilde)
I know what you’re thinking. Who the bleep is Alex Kelly!? You might remember her from season two of The O.C. You might not, if you were lucky enough not to get sucked into The O.C., and if so, I’m jealous. Here’s what you need to know about Alex Kelly: she’s a badass, bisexual bartender.
13 should sound a little more familiar. She’s the badass, bisexual doctor from House, also known as Dr. Remy Hadley. (That’s the character’s actual name for all of you who missed that one episode where they used it.)
Warning, this fight is going to get pretty nasty. Both characters are sure to pull some dirty punches.
The outcome: Hard to tell.
Not because they’re too evenly matched. It’s just too hard to tell them apart.
Round 3: Elle Bishop vs. Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell)
Elle, the emotionally unstable brat with the power to generate electricity, you may remember from NBC’s Heroes. This half-pint vixen might not look like much, but her power was strong enough to knock super villain Sylar on his you-know-what.
Elle’s going up against one of my all time favorite TV characters, Veronica Mars, private eye. Veronica is a snarky teen with mad Nancy Drew skills. She’s taken down rapists, murderers, and computer geeks. Her power, the ability to sniff out a scandal and bring the evil-doers to justice. Street justice that is, Mars style.
Elle vs. Veronica is almost good enough to be our main event. Not because it brings in elements of the supernatural. No, this fight would be awesome because of Kristen Bell’s god-given talent for delivering the perfect zinger. Oh the sarcasm would be epic.
The outcome: Veronica wins.
She may not be a Hero, but Veronica Mars always gets her man.
Round 4: River Tam vs. Cameron Phillips (Summer Glau)
If you're picking your prize fighter, chances are Summer Glau won't be anywhere on your list of possibilities. And for good reason, she probably doesn't even weigh in the triple digits. But bony arms aside, Summer Glau has played some of the baddest chicks ever to grace the small screen.
Exhibit A: River Tam of Firefly. In the beginning of the series River is a delicate super genius, but true fans know better than to get on her bad side. In Serenity, the Firefly movie, we see her singlehandedly destroy an entire alien army.
If that's not good enough for you, how about Cameron Phillips from the short-lived series Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles. Cameron is a terminator, the new and improved kind. She could snap your neck in a second.
So, who wins in a battle between a super-genius, super-soldier created in a space lab and a killer robot from the future?
The outcome: Cameron wins.
She's a robot from the future, people. Robots always win.
To Be Continued...
Friday, June 24, 2011
David E. Kelley/Joss Whedon Love Child
Lately whenever I find myself hard-pressed to explain something to someone who’s unfamiliar with it, whether it be a person or a fast-food chain, I find myself thinking of two things it’s most similar to and saying something like, “Oh, you’ve never been to Fire House Subs? Ok, well if Quizno’s got together with Subway and they had a baby: voila, Fire House.”
As I mentioned in a post last week, I’ve been watching a lot of Ally McBeal lately, which has reminded me how much I like David E. Kelley, which made me think, "do l like him more than Joss Whedon?" And I was hungry while thinking this, so I was like, "hum… Fire House," mix well and stir and you get, "I wonder what a child between David E. Kelley and Joss Whendon would look like?"
Now before you get all, Liz the movie Junior was total science fiction, check yourself and relax. I’m not talking about an actual human child baby, I’m talking about a TV show baby. What would a Kelley/Whedon series look like exactly?
To answer this question, we must first look at our potential parents and see what each one brings to the table. David E. Kelley is a lawyer turned screenwriter/TV genius who’s brought you Emmy Award winning shows like L.A. Law, Doogie Howser, Picket Fences, Chicago Hope, Ally McBeal, The Practice, Boston Legal and the NBC’s new show Harry’s Law. He also happens to be married to Michelle Pfeiffer, which should not be overlooked.
What Kelley brings to the table:
- Typically procedural show backgrounds (i.e. crime, legal or medical shows) with very strong lead characters and usually a pretty unique pool of supporting characters. Not afraid of a good ensemble.
- Universal themes like love, morality, justice and love (he’s big on the love) coupled with strong political views that are related to whatever’s going on at the moment.
- Really well-written monologues on just about every episode.
- Female characters who’re really good at their jobs, but are lowsly with their personal lives and have a miniscule shot of finding true love.
- Insane people, who when you think about it, are the only one who really get it.
- Overarching story of the series is like a merry-go-round of emotion bringing his characters up and down in a continuously evolving pattern.
What Whedon brings to the table:
- Strong female lead characters who can easily take you in a fist fight.
- Leading men with a bit of an edge who don’t mind getting their hands dirty to make the world a better place.
- Star crossed lovers. (vampire and vampire slayer, morally uptight do-gooder and prostitute)
- An element of science fiction.
- Episodes chock full of action and adventure.
- Witty banter and a sense of irony.
- Overarching story of the series is the hero’s epic journey.
When we mix all this together, we get….
WHITFIELD
“WHITFIELD” is a one hour drama set in present day Chicago. The show chronicles the life of one Dorothy Lewis, an over-worked, underpaid clinical psychologist who works in the Whitfield State Hospital for the Mentally Ill. In the pilot episode, Dorothy discovers the personal journal of Mike Wisniewski, a nineteenth century millionaire and activist who worked in the same building over a hundred years ago.
Through Mike's journal we are introduced to Chicago as it was during the height of the Industrial Revolution and see how he takes on greedy businessmen and rival gangs to fight for better pay and better working conditions for Chicago’s factory workers. Dorothy reads Mike’s stories aloud during group therapy session with a group of criminally insane patients as a way to connect and teach them about morality. It doesn’t take long for Dorothy to feel a strange connection between herself and Mike, and she eventually falls head over heels in love with him.
Our characters include the brilliant Dr. Dorothy Lewis, who is a bit of a basket case herself; Mike Wisniewski, our fearless crusader and his British butler, Bruce; Nell, the pretty and perky Nurse/receptionist; Craig, an Orderly and lovable buffoon; and a whole slew of crazy people.
And you know what they say, if it turns out you don’t like your firstborn, you can always have more…
D. T. EDWARDS, Esq.
“D. T. EDWARDS, Esq.” also a one-hour drama is set in futuristic Boston, Mass and follows the struggles of a young lawyer named Davis T. Edwards as he fights for the civil rights of zombies, werewolves, and vampires.
I think both summaries illustrate my point that a love child between Kelley and Whedon would be a critically acclaimed, award winning hit with a ferociously devoted following. Somebody get their agents on the phone so we can work this thing out.
Friday, May 13, 2011
TGIF
Just saying Friday the 13th sends a chill down my spine. I'm glad it doesn't come around that often. One thing is for sure, I make sure never to babysit when it does, just to be safe. No matter what your plans for tonight are, at some point you will be perusing the horror section of your local buster.
To make your movie selection easier, I have some suggestions for you.
The safe bet is a classic, Poltergeist, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Candyman and The Hills Have Eyes will definitely make you sleep with a light on. I still don't like watching Halloween at night because Michael Myers scares the living daylights out of me. There's just something about his mask that unnerves me. Then you've got Silence of the Lambs, The Shining, Scream, Saw (just the first one) and American Psycho that are a bit newer, but still classics in there own right. Now, if you're looking to take a chance on something new I have two categories for you to choose from. The first being creature features. It's a lists of ghosts, goblins, and all things that go bump in the night.
Creature Features The Uninvited, The Descent, The Haunting, 30 Days of Night, Darkness Falls, Devil, Paranormal Activity 2 , Cursed, Anaconda, Cloverfield, The Relic, The Breed (2006), The Ring, The Lost Boys, Jaws, Snakes on a Plane, The Faculty.
My second category is bad guys. There's only one thing that truly terrifies me, a psychotic killer. The horrible things that people will do to one another is what gives me nightmares. Now, I've broken this category down into 2 sections. First is Carnage Candy, these are the movies that you should not eat while you watch. Second is Super Scary Thrillers, these movies will spook you, but not make you wanna puke.
Pathology
Vacancy
The Hitcher (2007)
Last House on the Left (2009)
Identity
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Wrong Turn Sorority Row
The Highwaymen
Open House
Seven
The Killing Room
ThrillersRed EyeP2
Prom Night
Primal Fear
The Watcher
A Perfect Getaway
When a Stranger Calls
Urban Legend
I Know What You Did Last Summer
Joy Ride
Cry Wolf
When Strangers Appear
The Vanishing
Funny Games
And if you're too chicken to watch anything on my lists, try Monster House!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Daydream Believers
... daydream believer and a homecoming queen...
Just had to get that out.
I got caught daydreaming at work today. It wasn't pretty. I was deep into one of those stares where I'm obviously not looking at anything in particular. But, this poor soul pretended like I was watching one of the TV' s in the back of the store. She kindly waited for the next preview to come on before snapping me back to reality.
Side-note: Watching a constant rotation of the same 10 previews makes daydreaming unavoidable.
My daydream today was about the comedy we just finished. Ironically, it takes place in a video store.
I've actually caught myself daydreaming about our stories a lot, lately. Thus, my problem. Lots of stories equals lots of characters, and I can't get these people out of my head. I think about everything, their jobs, what music they like, right down to the way they walk. Usually the daydreaming is about what they would be doing at that particular time of day.
I'm pretty sure this is why I'm a bit more scatter-brained these days. My thoughts are constantly consumed with how and eight year old tomboy would terrorize her siblings, or how a young naval officer can earn the respect of his men. I might be plotting the demise of a rival sorority or trying not to think how a psychotic, narcissistic killer could destroy on his family.
I hope I don't end up like John Cusak in Identity.
Oh, to be able to lock myself away and write these people out of my head. For now, I'm a slave to the Buster. So, if you catch me daydreaming be careful, I'm not sure who you'll be waking up.
How do you keep your characters from running wild in your head?
Just had to get that out.
I got caught daydreaming at work today. It wasn't pretty. I was deep into one of those stares where I'm obviously not looking at anything in particular. But, this poor soul pretended like I was watching one of the TV' s in the back of the store. She kindly waited for the next preview to come on before snapping me back to reality.
Side-note: Watching a constant rotation of the same 10 previews makes daydreaming unavoidable.
My daydream today was about the comedy we just finished. Ironically, it takes place in a video store.
I've actually caught myself daydreaming about our stories a lot, lately. Thus, my problem. Lots of stories equals lots of characters, and I can't get these people out of my head. I think about everything, their jobs, what music they like, right down to the way they walk. Usually the daydreaming is about what they would be doing at that particular time of day.
I'm pretty sure this is why I'm a bit more scatter-brained these days. My thoughts are constantly consumed with how and eight year old tomboy would terrorize her siblings, or how a young naval officer can earn the respect of his men. I might be plotting the demise of a rival sorority or trying not to think how a psychotic, narcissistic killer could destroy on his family.
I hope I don't end up like John Cusak in Identity.
Oh, to be able to lock myself away and write these people out of my head. For now, I'm a slave to the Buster. So, if you catch me daydreaming be careful, I'm not sure who you'll be waking up.
How do you keep your characters from running wild in your head?
Friday, April 8, 2011
A childhood wrong, FINALLY made right
Memories. We've all got them.
The good, the bad and the ugly. Especially the ugly. Childhood memories though, those are supposed to be good ones.
One afternoon my friends and I started talking about our earliest childhood memories. One of them remembered a favorite toy. Another fondly remembered a family vacation. Me, mine wasn't so happy.
I remember this like it was yesterday. I'm 4, maybe 5 and I've thrown myself against the door that leads out to our garage in a fit of rage.
Why, might you ask, was a young child crying uncontrollable and trying everything she can think of to get out of the house? My mother had just left with my two sisters to go to a New Kids on the Block concert. They refused to take me along. I almost died. God only knows how far I would have chased her car if I would have figured out how to unlock the door (thanks dad).
I know what some of you are thinking, NKOTB? YES!!! I loved them the way that Allie Brosh loves cake. Almost all of the videos of me as a kid are one's where I'm singing "Covergirl" or "Hanging Tough". NKOTB was the only thing that mattered. And my mother dared to take Liz over me. LIZ! She HATED NKOTB! She wanted nothing to do with them.
And to those of you who are thinking, Get over it! I say no. NEVER. I was far to young to learn that the world could be so cruel. That my own mother could be so cruel (I haven't let her forget this yet).
But have no fear, I am on the road to recovery.
Today is a glorious day.
I came home from a long day of work, openend my mail and there it was, a ticket. A ticket to this summer's New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys concert. Other Sister, is the best!!! She is taking me for my birthday and I love her so!!!
My mother can not keep me from them this time!!!
Its going to be larger than life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The good, the bad and the ugly. Especially the ugly. Childhood memories though, those are supposed to be good ones.
One afternoon my friends and I started talking about our earliest childhood memories. One of them remembered a favorite toy. Another fondly remembered a family vacation. Me, mine wasn't so happy.
I remember this like it was yesterday. I'm 4, maybe 5 and I've thrown myself against the door that leads out to our garage in a fit of rage.
Why, might you ask, was a young child crying uncontrollable and trying everything she can think of to get out of the house? My mother had just left with my two sisters to go to a New Kids on the Block concert. They refused to take me along. I almost died. God only knows how far I would have chased her car if I would have figured out how to unlock the door (thanks dad).
I know what some of you are thinking, NKOTB? YES!!! I loved them the way that Allie Brosh loves cake. Almost all of the videos of me as a kid are one's where I'm singing "Covergirl" or "Hanging Tough". NKOTB was the only thing that mattered. And my mother dared to take Liz over me. LIZ! She HATED NKOTB! She wanted nothing to do with them.
And to those of you who are thinking, Get over it! I say no. NEVER. I was far to young to learn that the world could be so cruel. That my own mother could be so cruel (I haven't let her forget this yet).
But have no fear, I am on the road to recovery.
Today is a glorious day.
I came home from a long day of work, openend my mail and there it was, a ticket. A ticket to this summer's New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys concert. Other Sister, is the best!!! She is taking me for my birthday and I love her so!!!
My mother can not keep me from them this time!!!
Its going to be larger than life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Is It Me?
My goal for the last three weekends has been to find a good movie to recommend to you, our loyal, possibly non-existent readers. So far, I have failed you.
I tried watching movies about to be released. (A’s connection at the Buster means we get to watch movies the weekend before they hit the shelves. This is the number one reason why A can never quit her job.) I picked Skyline. Why? Because Battle LA was awesome, and Skyline seemed to be it’s equal.
It is not.
Watching Skyline was basically like watching people decide whether or not to leave their apartment. It took 45 minutes. Seriously. Why? Go or don’t. Stop talking about it!
Skyline also made me temporarily dislike David Zayas from Dexter. I cannot forgive this.
Then I tried going to the movie theater. I picked Red Riding Hood because the trailer looked interesting, and those dang American Idol kids said it was good.
They lied.
The main problem here was that the movie was half of what I expected and half what no one in their right mind would wish for. (Prepare for spoilers….)
Every time I saw the preview for RRH, I was like, she is so the wolf! She has to be. No one will expect it. This will be great on an epic scale!
Turns out, she’s not the wolf. Exactly. What a waste. As A tweeted after the viewing, it made us feel cheap and cheated.
Sigh.
In a last ditch effort, I watched Dance of the Dead, an indy, cheesy, zombie flick because of this interview I read at the Bitter Script Reader. It sort of had some potential, but I ended up cutting it off about half way through. I needed to eat dinner. They needed to kill zombies. It wasn’t working out for us.
And so, my question is this: Is it me? Am I so picky that no movie will ever satisfy me again?
I really, really hope not.
On the docket for this weekend: Lincoln Lawyer or Source code, Slither, The Chronicles of Narnia III, and possibly Return to Me (A hasn’t seen it.)
Feel free to give me some more suggestions.
I tried watching movies about to be released. (A’s connection at the Buster means we get to watch movies the weekend before they hit the shelves. This is the number one reason why A can never quit her job.) I picked Skyline. Why? Because Battle LA was awesome, and Skyline seemed to be it’s equal.
It is not.
Watching Skyline was basically like watching people decide whether or not to leave their apartment. It took 45 minutes. Seriously. Why? Go or don’t. Stop talking about it!
Skyline also made me temporarily dislike David Zayas from Dexter. I cannot forgive this.
Then I tried going to the movie theater. I picked Red Riding Hood because the trailer looked interesting, and those dang American Idol kids said it was good.
They lied.
The main problem here was that the movie was half of what I expected and half what no one in their right mind would wish for. (Prepare for spoilers….)
Every time I saw the preview for RRH, I was like, she is so the wolf! She has to be. No one will expect it. This will be great on an epic scale!
Turns out, she’s not the wolf. Exactly. What a waste. As A tweeted after the viewing, it made us feel cheap and cheated.
Sigh.
In a last ditch effort, I watched Dance of the Dead, an indy, cheesy, zombie flick because of this interview I read at the Bitter Script Reader. It sort of had some potential, but I ended up cutting it off about half way through. I needed to eat dinner. They needed to kill zombies. It wasn’t working out for us.
And so, my question is this: Is it me? Am I so picky that no movie will ever satisfy me again?
I really, really hope not.
On the docket for this weekend: Lincoln Lawyer or Source code, Slither, The Chronicles of Narnia III, and possibly Return to Me (A hasn’t seen it.)
Feel free to give me some more suggestions.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Watching Movies with My Mother
Movie watching has always been the number one form of entertainment in our family. It's also our number one excuse for procrastination, but that's not important. Some of my oldest memories are of watching movies with my sisters and nieces. Our favorites included Shag, Adventures in Babysitting and Howard the Duck. They also introduced me to Pet Cemetery, Candy Man and Interview with the Vampire.
They didn't know they were sharing those last three with me at the time. Older siblings like to try out their parenting skills on us younger kids. Mine were no exception. They especially enjoyed kicking me out of the TV room when they were going to watch a 'big girl' movie. Jerks.
My mom was cool about it, though. Once she caught me hiding behind other sister's chair so I could watch Scream with them. Luckily, mom didn't rat me out. She even took me to the theaters to see Scream 3 when I was fourteen and it was rated R.
But over the years, my mother's hipness has diminished. Now that I am an adult, she is no longer cool with me watching adult content be it violence, language or nudity. If we watch something she finds distasteful I have to hear about it for weeks. If someone says damn on prime time TV, I'm asked to change the channel. (Sorry I said damn, mom.)
Also there's a bit of a ick factor when watching certain things with one or more of your parents. Once I suggested we watch Wanted because I forgot that it has a crazy forever long sex on the kitchen counter scene. It was horrible.
The worst part was that I had seen Wanted before, so the whole time I'm thinking, you idiot. Do you want your mother to think you're a degenerate? Why, for the love of God, didn't you pick Cheaper by the Dozen!?
Because I never, ever, want to experience that awkwardness again, I now keep a running list of mom-friendly movies in my head so that next time I'm ready when she asks what I want to watch.
So here it is, a mother approved list of movies.
Totally Safe, (Mom Loves Them)
Legendary - Drama
First Daughter - Drama
Enchanted - Romantic Comedy
The Blind Side - Drama
Remember the Titans - Drama
Charlie St. Cloud - Drama
New In Town - Romantic Comedy
Mad Money - Comedy
First Wives Club - Comedy
Devil - Horror
Confessions of a Shopoholic - Comedy
A bit more risque (basically they use the f word once or twice, but she still liked them)
Armored - Action
Bride Wars - Comedy
The Uninvited - Horror
Edge of Darkeness - Thriller
Monster-In-Law - Comedy
Taken - Thriller/Action
The Bucket List - Drama
Unstoppable - Action
Nights in Rodanthe - Drama/Romance
Under the Tuscan Sun - Drama/Romance
Mom doesn't like to watch the same things over and over, so feel free to give me some of your own suggestions.
They didn't know they were sharing those last three with me at the time. Older siblings like to try out their parenting skills on us younger kids. Mine were no exception. They especially enjoyed kicking me out of the TV room when they were going to watch a 'big girl' movie. Jerks.
My mom was cool about it, though. Once she caught me hiding behind other sister's chair so I could watch Scream with them. Luckily, mom didn't rat me out. She even took me to the theaters to see Scream 3 when I was fourteen and it was rated R.
But over the years, my mother's hipness has diminished. Now that I am an adult, she is no longer cool with me watching adult content be it violence, language or nudity. If we watch something she finds distasteful I have to hear about it for weeks. If someone says damn on prime time TV, I'm asked to change the channel. (Sorry I said damn, mom.)
Also there's a bit of a ick factor when watching certain things with one or more of your parents. Once I suggested we watch Wanted because I forgot that it has a crazy forever long sex on the kitchen counter scene. It was horrible.
The worst part was that I had seen Wanted before, so the whole time I'm thinking, you idiot. Do you want your mother to think you're a degenerate? Why, for the love of God, didn't you pick Cheaper by the Dozen!?
Because I never, ever, want to experience that awkwardness again, I now keep a running list of mom-friendly movies in my head so that next time I'm ready when she asks what I want to watch.
So here it is, a mother approved list of movies.
Totally Safe, (Mom Loves Them)
Legendary - Drama
First Daughter - Drama
Enchanted - Romantic Comedy
The Blind Side - Drama
Remember the Titans - Drama
Charlie St. Cloud - Drama
New In Town - Romantic Comedy
Mad Money - Comedy
First Wives Club - Comedy
Devil - Horror
Confessions of a Shopoholic - Comedy
A bit more risque (basically they use the f word once or twice, but she still liked them)
Armored - Action
Bride Wars - Comedy
The Uninvited - Horror
Edge of Darkeness - Thriller
Monster-In-Law - Comedy
Taken - Thriller/Action
The Bucket List - Drama
Unstoppable - Action
Nights in Rodanthe - Drama/Romance
Under the Tuscan Sun - Drama/Romance
Mom doesn't like to watch the same things over and over, so feel free to give me some of your own suggestions.
Friday, March 4, 2011
When Small Things Attack
This week I decided that Fridays would be a good day to go off topic. Today, instead of recommending a totally wicked movie for you to watch over the weekend, I would like to discuss another subject. I call it ‘When Small Things Attack.’
Dolls (1887)
The Gate (1987)
Child’s Play (1988)
On Wednesday my boss and I were discussing movies, as we sometimes do. At one point the movie Dolls was brought up and my boss was like, "why would anyone be afraid of a doll? They’re so little. You can just kick them away." To which I responded, "dolls are beyond freaky. They are the scariest of the scary. Don’t mess with a doll, man."
The conversation made me think of other movies I saw as a kid with miniature monsters. I guess they were big in the 80’s. Today, I would like to share some thoughts on these films. And if you like cheesy, ridiculous horror movies like many of us do, by all means, watch them.
Warning: Images below may be disturbing for some readers.
Gremlins (1884)
A boy inadvertently breaks 3 important rules concerning his new pet and unleashes a horde of malevolently mischievous monsters on a small town. IMDB
A boy inadvertently breaks 3 important rules concerning his new pet and unleashes a horde of malevolently mischievous monsters on a small town. IMDB
I love this movie. If you've never seen it then I feel sorry for you.
Is it scary? The bad gremlins are freaky, but they never really frightened me, even when I was a kid. The reason: Gizmo. How could anything truly evil come from something so cute and fluffy?
Is it scary? The bad gremlins are freaky, but they never really frightened me, even when I was a kid. The reason: Gizmo. How could anything truly evil come from something so cute and fluffy?
So why am I bringing this up? I don't know. It's about small creatures attaching people. It fits.
Dolls (1887)A group of people stop by a mansion during a storm and discover two magical toy makers, and their haunted collection of dolls. IMDB
I have no recollection of ever seeing this movie. My other sister, not Allie, swears that I did. I disagreed, so she started telling me about it in order to convince me. Half way though her summary a small voice in the back of my mind said please, God, make her stop!
The only conclusion that I can make from this is that the idea of dolls being evil was so terrifying to me that I blocked it from my memory.
The Gate (1987)Three young children accidentally release a horde of nasty, pint-sized demons from a hole in a suburban backyard. What follows is a classic battle between good and evil as the three kids struggle to overcome a nightmarish hell that is literally taking over the Earth. IMDB
I’m pretty sure this was one of the first horror movies I ever saw, and it's stuck with me over the years. I think about those little pink demons from time to time. (You should know that the picture above shows them gripping the pegs of a staircase banister. That’s now tiny they are.)
But for the longest time I couldn’t remember the name of this movie. I did remember the basic plot, the hole in the back yard, the tiny creatures. I brought it up on a number of occasions, to see if anyone else had seen it. I'd say something like, "you know that movie with the little naked demons and the staircase and the hole in the backyard?" People always thought I was making it up. After a while, I started to think maybe they were right.
Then, this past summer, A’s boss at the Buster told me the name and I was like yes! The Gate. That’s it. I immediately put it in my Netflix queue. As I watched it climb higher and higher on the list, a tiny ball of fear and despair began growing in my belly. It made me start to remember more scenes from the movie. Then I realized, THEY were getting closer and closer. They even entered my dreams.
They made it all the way to position 5 before they got the axe. No way am I ever watching this movie again.
Child’s Play (1988)A chubby toy doll named Chucky becomes an instrument of terror in director Tom Holland's unnerving tale of horror. Before cops gun down a serial killer, he invokes a spell that transfers his soul into the body of Chucky -- who ends up as a birthday present for 6-year-old Andy Barclay. When a rash of murders ensures, he knows Chucky is the culprit but neither Andy's mother nor the police believe him. Netflix
When I was eight years old I had a truly great Christmas. I got a mountain of Legos, the new Batmobile and the female My Buddy doll. Not long after that I went though a ‘I want to be a beautician phase,’ which was my way of saying that I liked to play with scissors. Everyone in the closet with hair got a trim, including My Buddy. Unfortunately, my skills with a pair of blades were abysmal. My Buddy’s hair got shorter and shorter as I tried to fix my mistakes. When I was done, she looked like the blonde version of Chucky.
I didn’t notice the similarity. Other sister did. She hated Chucky. He was the only thing she ever feared. Finally, I had something over her. She had age and size and strength, but I had Chucky. (Other sister if you’re reading this you should know… I still do. <insert evil laugh>)
Leprechaun (1988)
When Dan O'Grady returns home after stealing an Irish leprechaun's pot of gold, he thinks he can settle down and enjoy his newfound wealth. He thought wrong. The leprechaun followed him. O'Grady barely gets away with his life, having locked the monster in his basement. Ten years later, J.D. and his spoiled daughter Tory move in. By accident, the leprechaun is released and immediately starts to look for his gold. IMDB
When I was in elementary school, my dad was on the state board of public accountants. Every summer, we’d spend a week in San Destin, Florida for a yearly CPA conference. San Destin, Florida is the birthplace of all my childhood phobias.
The last summer we spent there, my mom and I went on a three-hour deep-sea fishing trip. (Never go on a 3-hour boating tour. Ever! They are jinxed.) The sea was in a major twist that day with swells bigger than our boat. I was ten. I weighted about 75 pounds. I spent the entire trip holding onto the railings for dear life. The 500-pound cooler on the desk was being pushed around like a tin cup, so as you can imagine, I had a difficult time staying on-board. It took eight years before I was ready to get on another boat.
The summer before that, I got stuck in an elevator by myself for the longest twenty minutes of life. I still prefer taking the stairs.
The summer before that, however, was by far the worst. My parents dropped me and my two sisters off in a conference room to be babysat by college students so they could take the night off. One of the young adults handling our care decided it would be a good idea to let us watch Leprechaun.
At that time in my life I had a friend named Arthur. Arthur and I loved scary movies. Jason and Freddie were daily fixtures for us. We could watch Halloween without even flinching, but something about that little green devil freaked me out. I spent the entire night rolled up in a ball crying for my parents.
I have never been a fan of St. Patrick’s Day. Now I know why. Thank you Jennifer Aniston.
In conclusion, monsters are scary. Tiny monsters are horrifying.
For those of you who are still not convinced that little things are frightening, I leave you with the following animated short. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Alma from Rodrigo Blaas on Vimeo.
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